>A few months ago, my organization came upon a very strange creature - the largest single celled organism in Equestria.
>And while you might think this is something insignificant, much like finding the best deposit of silt on the ocean floor, let me be clear and remind you that I am not joking when I say that this cell is huge.
>Not only is it visible to the naked eye, it also weighs about six or seven kilograms.
>Like I said - Huge.
>In any case, up until a month ago, we had it in stasis until some knucklehead's loose lips spilled the beans
>Suddenly we had tons of investors coming in trying to get a look at the thing
>Then the darndest thing happened.
>Containment broke, and the damn thing...
>Well it grew a little bit.
>Sucked up a pony's shoe!
>After a week or so, it split into two
>Fast forward, and now we have several of the suckers
>Rest assured, we all of them under cryogenic lock and key
>Well, all except for one of them.
>And now the stubborn slimy thing won't stop growing
>This is where you come in
>It wasn't easy.
>We had to screen a ton of ponies to get this underway
>In the end, I put my hoof down and looked at the situation holistically.
>And I did not want the growth of a young creature mired by academia wholly.
>I'm traditional, you see
>And while my scientific advisors might scoff at my traditional approaches, they gotta remember - I built this company from the ground up, not them
>Told 'em to choke on that, and they shut up real quick, heh.
>In any case, I wanted to get you on here because you were the best choice.
>You showed unique potential in the interview, and you're a looker too!
>I know it sounds fishy, but we aren't Patwrite here - We keep ourselves clean.
>Seriously, I haven't lost an expedition in the Arctic or anything, really!
>Ah, enough banter.
>Welcome to the Center for Genetic Advancement Technologies
>Enjoy your stay