>You were a human female
>You were summoned by Zecora to fight in an alternate version of Equestria where Tirek won
>You talked with Applebloom and got some information on the mane 6
>You decided to attempt to contact the Changelings, and made your way towards the badlands
>You found a crystal spire, crawling with guards. You raided it for supplies and found out it was an entrance to Tartarus and that the guards were there to make sure the Princesses didn't escape.
>You learned that the Corporal of that guard union was being sent "treats", in the form of teenage mares, on a semi-regular basis
>You convinced one of those treats to help you kill him
Currently, she is distracting that corporal with a striptease. He is facing the door you are just outside of.
Obvious actions are:
>Duck behind the couch to your left
>Duck behind the giant jug of maple syrup to your right. Note that this will leave you exposed for longer than the couch, but provide a larger hiding place